Google: “Stadia Latency Won’t Matter Since Most of Y’all Are Just Mashing”

Los Angeles, CA – This past week at E3, tech giant Google arrived to announce many new details about its upcoming cloud gaming platform, Stadia. The news included the price, launch window, launch titles, and reassurance that the service’s latency won’t be noticeable since most of you are just randomly mashing buttons.

“It’s time to take gaming into the future,” said Google representative Alan Barr. “The Google Stadia will feature a top of the line gaming experience at an unbeatable price, all brought to you with negligible perceivable lag due to the fact you’re probably just repeatedly hitting buttons with no purpose or timing.”

“Take a look at Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid, a launch title we’re really excited about,” added Barr. “You’re going to be able to jump right into the action and not even notice that the game is being streamed to your device from a remote server. Some might say that’s due to the fact that the game has several bigger problems to distract you with, but it’s really because of the incredibly high probability that you’re just randomly pressing buttons without the slightest clue of how to play the game.”

“Another launch title to look out for is Samurai Shodown,” continued Barr. “Many took issue with the recent news of the game having 8 frames of lag on the PlayStation 4 version*, but guess what? On Google Stadia it’s going to be 24 frames. And you know what else? Barely anyone is going to notice that, even with this announcement right now.”

The Stadia is already winning over fans and critics alike at E3 with its impressive technology and innovate approach to gaming. We’re looking forward to jumping head first into our controllers this November when Stadia launches.

*Update: Since the release of this article, SNK has reduced the lag on the PS4 version of Samurai Shodown from 8 frames to 4. Meanwhile Google has increased the lag on the Stadia version from 24 to 30 because, “Y’all are still mashing.”