Redmond, WA – Earlier this week, the groundbreaking Super Smash Bros Melee mod, Project Slippi, released an ambitious update featuring replays, proper rollback netcode, and built in matchmaking. Naturally, many fans are concerned that the new attention could put the project at risk of receiving a cease and desist letter from Nintendo. However, several inside sources confirmed that Nintendo is reluctant to do so because no one at the company can figure out what “rollback netcode” means.
“I don’t know what this rollback stuff is, but I still know that I don’t like it,” said Doug Trouser, Director of Ceasing and Desisting at Nintendo of America. “We’re currently in the process of performing our due diligence to determine exactly what type of violations have been committed. But our experts have never seen or heard of anything like this before, and that’s delaying us at the moment.”
“I don’t even understand the appeal of this rollback netcode stuff, much less how it works,” admitted Trouser. “Our newest title in the series, Smash Bros Ultimate already features robust online play that allows players to roll back, forwards, or even spot dodge. We’ve also sped these actions up since Melee as well. What more could people want?”
“I’m starting to think that it isn’t even worth our time,” explained Trouser, who has proudly issued over 100 cease and desist letters this year. “This rollback stuff is probably just another meaningless buzzword. Besides, barely anyone even plays Melee these days. We know what the fans want, and Project Slippi isn’t even close. What Smash truly needs at a time like this, more than anything else, is Min Min from ARMS.”
At press time Trouser was reportedly going back to pretending Melee doesn’t exist so he can get back to stopping unlicensed Pokemon fan games and Unreal Engine demos with Mario in them.