Opinion: My Dad Threw Me Off a Cliff, and I Turned Out Fine

Now more than ever kids are out of control. They’re disrespectful, unprincipled, and completely out of line. You see, back in my day we had this thing called discipline. If I had acted up or misbehaved in public as a child, you better believe my old man would have picked up me up and tossed me off nearest cliff in order to teach me a lesson.

Recently this time-tested approach has become unpopular and it shows. Kids these days have no respect for their elders and it couldn’t be more obvious that they’ve never been thrown off even a single story of the Jungle Outpost, much less the full Precipice Of Fate like they need to be.

Some try to argue that picking up your misbehaving child and tossing them off the nearest large crag, canyon, or overhang just leads to violent fits of rage and even more damaging behavior. But I bet those idiots won’t say that to my face.

If it doesn’t work then why did I grow up to be such a well-adjusted individual? After all, I went through it and I turned out fine. In fact, I turned out more than fine. I’m a successful adult and the CEO of my own company. I’ve trained in martial arts across the world, winning several tournaments. I brought a dinosaur back to life and even died and came back to life myself.

How are you supposed to know that your child is truly fit to be your successor if you just let them run wild? How will they learn respect, discipline, and what truly matters in a fight? If it wasn’t for getting thrown off a large cliff as a child, I may never have learned important lessons or suffered the near-fatal injuries necessary to awaken the Devil Gene inside of me. Without all of that, I’m not sure I’d be the man that I am today.

However this isn’t to say that I still get along with my father. In fact, I fucking hate that guy. Every day I train in order to one day teach him a lesson. So you can be sure that the next time I see him I’m going to knock his ass out with a swift punch to the chest then hurl him off a cliff and into a volcano.

And unlike these useless kids today who weren’t raised right, I’m strong enough to actually get my revenge.