Devs Announce Plans to Nerf Whatever You’re Doing

ONLINE – In an exciting sneak-preview earlier today, the developers of your favorite modern fighting game announced a large upcoming balance patch with deliberate plans to nerf whatever it is you’re doing in their game.

“Lately we’ve been gathering data on how we can improve the game experience in our next update,” announced community manager Cole Barton, in the preview video released earlier. “After reviewing this data, it seems that some drastic balance changes will be necessary. So rest assured that we’re going to fix the game by nerfing your entire game plan straight into the ground.”

“It’s become clear to us that your main character is definitely problematic and not functioning as planned,” Barton explained. “We’re considering heavy nerfs to your character’s damage, range, and versatility. Also, you can definitely say goodbye to your unblockable setup as it does not align with our vision at all. Honestly, you ever winning even a single round was completely unintentional and we will be working tirelessly to fix that.”

The preview also explained part of the research process to determine how they decide what to change.

“Did you think we wouldn’t find out about what you’ve been doing in our game?” asked Barton, while pointing at the camera. “You really think that we don’t check your videos on Youtube or Twitter? I’d like to remind you that we have 100% of your online match replays, and we’ve watched all of them.”

While there was a big focus on nerfing you specifically, the video also included other exciting changes they have planned.

“In addition to the nerfs already discussed, we’ll also be buffing the hell out of whoever your friend plays as,” Barton announced excitedly. “It doesn’t matter if their character is just decent or completely top tier already. We’re going to buff them anyways, and it’ll be awesome.”

“So look forward to the upcoming patch, as it should be our best version yet,” added Barton to close out the preview. “Soon things will be back working as intended and you’ll have to learn to play the game the right way. The full patch notes are set to release in the coming weeks, and we can’t wait to see the stupid look on your face when you read them.”